Getting your woman in the mood for romance doesn't have to be a big mystery.

But lately, we've received a lot of emails asking for some advice on this particular topic. So, here are the top three questions, with the answers on how to pump up your mojo.

As you'll see, it all comes down to sensitivity – and a little creativity.

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Q: What are some ways a guy can prime his partner for intimacy hours earlier, as in “mental foreplay?”

A: The typical example is the sexy email saying you can’t wait to pounce on her when she gets home. But something fresher would be better. There are three main tactics that are effective when used individually or collectively:

• Initiate a level of psychological and physiological arousal. Think beyond physical arousal: Mental arousal can also lead to psychological and physiological changes that underlie sexual arousal. Activities that promote surprise, anxiety, jealousy , low levels of fear, laughter and an adrenaline rush are excellent ways to get her in the mood. The body reads many different emotions the say way – even though we feel different mentally when we are scared, aroused, excited or amused, the body processes these emotions in a similar manner. Arousal is psychologically and physiologically identical to other emotions. Inducing these other psychological and physiological states can help induce arousal.
• Express sincere affection and attraction. It’s been said that men fall in love using their eyes and women fall in love using their ears. While this is overly simplistic, the basic point is still valid. Nothing is more arousing to men or women than to feel genuinely loved, appreciated and desired. These expressions should not be reserved for times of romance, but rather given freely and generously at all times. Regular and sincere expressions of affection will do wonders for sustaining passion in a relationship.
• Mentally set the stage for her to act in an uninhibited fashion. Respect the privacy and sanctity of the bedroom – do not risk coming across as rude or crude by being overly and inappropriately affectionate in public towards her. That is a turn-off and trivializes the mood to make love. Set the stage so that she knows when you two are alone she has your undivided attention – there are no thoughts in your mind except for her (turn off the TV and cell phone, shut down the computer, and allow nothing but a real emergency to interrupt this time). Give her complete privacy of the moment. This instills safety and a level of comfort – two things necessary for her to be uninhibited. Do not come on strong; succumb to her advances and allow her to take charge. In other words, let her set the pace and put her needs first and attend to them!

Men can promote emotional reactions by combining physical and verbal tactics. Slowly bombard her with various and heightened sensory experiences. Such as:

• Special picnics. A “picnic in the park” (night or day in a secluded location) is a perfect way to start her on a new adventure. You can pretend it's just a regular picnic. Then turn it into a picnic that takes her back to when she was a teenager. Remember the long make-out sessions you had in the backseat of a car, at the beach under a blanket or at the park with the warmth of the sun and the smell of freshly cut grass. You two can have so much fun discovering each other.
• Whisper more – but do not whisper too close to her ear. Be back one inch or so. The combination of light breath on her ear and words of genuine affection can be very powerful. Plus, it capitalizes on the notion of privacy.
• Repeatedly call her by the pet name you have for her. If you don’t have one, make one up and get her approval. Pet names demonstrate affection, a healthy dose of possessiveness, and it helps emphasize your identity as a couple. All of these things feed emotional attachment.
• Hold hands in public and gently squeeze hers every so often. This shows her a little possessiveness and protectiveness. Many women find it arousing when you proudly yet thoughtfully show off your identity as a couple to the rest of society.
• Ask her opinion of what you should wear that day, cologne type, etc. Let’s face it, we men need the guidance – but more than that – you are asking what’s attractive to her. In fact, ask her to take you shopping and dress you! ZZ Top was pretty much on target when they said, “every girl goes crazy for a sharp-dressed man.”
• Tickle her playfully or initiate a "tickle fight." This is a great way to introduce fun and laughter into the bedroom, and it naturally leads to physiological arousal.
• Get her pulse going! Go to a scary movie, an amusement park, a funny play or musical, etc. Get her emotions running wild, and you’ll see that transfer to romanticism and sex drive.
• Exercise together! Strength training raises testosterone levels in both men and women which increases libido. You will both look better and have more stamina.
• Give her a hug from the opposite direction. By doing this you are introducing the element of surprise. Nothing deadens the heart like routine, so change it up and be creative.
• Try not speaking, but give her a penetrating look as though you see into her soul, the essence of who she is and that you wouldn’t change a thing. Think all that as you look at her. She will feel it as she reads your look. Try to hold that gaze.
• When you’re out with your girlfriend, talk to other pretty women even if all you’re doing is going up to one and asking them what time it is. This will trigger feelings of jealousy and possessiveness in your girlfriend, which will undoubtedly pay off when you two leave the bar and head to your place.
• Do not just express your attraction. Sincerely express to her the emotional attachment and commitment you have to her! Let her know that she is first in your heart and mind. Actually notice how she looks and then follow-up by sincerely complimenting what you see, and especially, how she makes you feel.

Q: What are some ways to surmount the usual obstacles women have to being in the mood, such as she’s too tired, too stressed, or she has body image issues?

A: A women’s arousal is akin to boiling a pot of water – her libido tends to build over time, instead of being quick and strong like a man’s. Men usually fight this rather than work with it.
For starters:

1. Do not argue or try to talk her into an action or your point of view. Remember, your actions speak louder than your words. Instead of seeing obstacles, see opportunities and work with them. If she’s tired or stressed give her a foot massage, start a bubble bath for her, or cook her dinner. If she has body image issues, then dim the lights and light a scented candle (one’s that smell like food are both calming and arousing – like apple or vanilla).
2. Do not rush physical intimacy. Allow her to set the pace for intimacy and respect that pace. If she feels you are forcing the speed of intimacy, it will kill the moment altogether.
   
3. Nurture the emotional attachment she feels towards you. Talking after she gets home from work can be foreplay – even if we do not think so. Talking and listening show concern and attention. Giving emotional support to her will reinforce the emotional attachment she feels to you. Remember, it's emotional attachment that feeds a woman’s desire for sex. Numerous studies have shown that woman consider talk to be the most important part of foreplay and couples with the best communication also have the best, most content sex lives. Talking is the easiest thing a guy can do to improve his relationship and sex life.
   

Q: What are some common mistakes men make while trying to get their girlfriend in the mood? In other words, what should they NOT do?

A: Men should not:

• Use lines to seduce a woman. James Bond is a fictional character for a reason. Women typically respond only to what they perceive to be sincere expressions of affection and attraction. Be yourself and be genuine in your displays.
• Put their needs first. Put your partner’s emotional and physical needs first.
• Rush foreplay or be narrow in their approach to foreplay (women need to be stimulated all over, not simply where men assume their erogenous zones are).
• Downplay the importance of mixing physical and verbal approaches to expressing affection.
• Downplay the virtues of being well-groomed.
• Think that women are visually-oriented as men are. A women’s sex drive typically stems from nurturing the emotional attachment she has for her partner. Thus, reinforce that attachment and be sure to provide her with a certain comfort level and privacy when you two make love.

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